Listening

In order for our confrontation of sin and offence to be effective the other person has to listen. In this art of reconciliation there is embedded this art of listening. In Matt.18 Jesus speaks of the progression of confrontation based on the person's willingness to listen. The idea goes further than merely not hearing the charge against them and understanding the charge against them. It goes to whether they seriously consider the matter or merely dismiss it as unimportant or below them. When someone is totally dismissed when trying to connect with another person, there is disrespect for the other person, and arrogance in the accused. Do we think we are above sin and should not listen to one pointing out a perceived sin? In our context, imagine the exorcist coming to John who has tried to hinder him from following Jesus, and confronting him privately, and John blowing him off. What message would this send the man? You are not important enough to even listen to. You are as nothing to me. Are we like kings who can easily dismiss some subject who wants to air a grievance with us? Am I too busy to listen? Too important to hear? Too good to be accused of sin?

The heart of listening is being understood. It is more than merely knowing another person understands the charge. The judge will often ask the accused if they understand the charges against him. The judge wants to know if the accused understands to seriousness of the matter they are facing, and taking it seriously. The offended needs to know that the offender "gets it." Does the offender really understand the depths of the hurt and harm done, and can begin to empathize with the other over their loss? To listen on this level is work. One has to pay attention and to be active in listening. There can be no distractions or drifting away. Full engagement is required. Some people are hard to understand due to complicated personalities, cluttered pasts, complex belief systems, sin pathologies and poor communications skills, or a combination of these. It is sometimes difficult to follow their explanations of how they see things. We have to try hard to see their point, even if we do not agree with it.

But, often the matter of failure to listen is one of simple disobedience. The word Jesus uses for "refuses to listen" is often translated this way. Romans 5:19 says that Adam's sin was disobedience, or refusal to listen. In 2 Cor.10:6 after being told that we must take every thought captive to make it obedient to Christ, Paul tells the church that he is ready to punish the disobedience of the trouble makers when the church is able to listen again. In Heb.2:2 if angels needed to be listened to and obeyed, then how important it is not to neglect such great salvation by not listening to it. In a word, disobedience disrupts relationships. Being uncooperative and disinterested in reconciliation is to be disobedient by failing to listen, to understand, and to own your part in the break in relationship. Oh how we need more listening in the body of Christ and in marriage!