Sometimes when you counsel people concepts that you have been teaching for years come together in a visual way that helps others to grasp how things work. I am big on wanting to know how things work, especially things pertaining to our lives. In most areas of life there is the WHOLE and the PARTICULARS. To understand we must address both. So let me give you what I see as the Four Gears of Life.
GEAR ONE is PERSONALITY. For years I have administered dozens of Taylor-Johnson Temperament Analysis tests, and interpreted the personalities of individuals within pre-marital, couples, and individual counseling. Regarding personality, we all have one. We also have personalities that will not change significantly over time. But, we do have personalities that can be understood, and can be managed so that we can effectively live and relate to others. The more you understand your personality, accept responsibility for it, and effectively manage it the more content you are in life.
GEAR TWO is BEHAVIOR. We all have patterns of behavior. We do things over and over again, repeatedly (pun intended). We develop preferences that drive choices. We have routines, habits, and styles. We dress certain ways. We pursue hobbies and careers. We say and do things that are peculiar to us. We have skills that set us apart. Some behaviors are moral and some are immoral. It is easy for us to see each other's behaviors and make judgments primarily based on what we see. We condemn or excuse, we promote or discourage, and we endorse or denounce according to our view of what is acceptable and unacceptable behaviors.
GEAR THREE is PAST EXPERIENCES. Like personality, we each have our own unique experiences. We were raised in certain ways. We may have experienced trauma of varying degrees. We made choices that led to either good or bad places. We had friends, relatives, and teachers who influenced us. We have accidents and illnesses and deaths, all of which help shape who we are. Some of these experiences need to be bathed in forgiveness. Some need to be treated with understanding through adult eyes to correct the mistakes of looking at them through a child's eyes. Some need to be let go of and others need to be cherished and preserved. But, no mistake, we are a product of our experiences.
GEAR FOUR is VALUES AND BELIEFS. What we hold to be true is of great importance to shaping our lives. We all have a worldview. That does not mean it is a good one or that it is consistent with itself. But, we all, if given a list of doctrines or moral positions, could answer one of three ways, i.e. agree, disagree, or 'I don't know.' Our values and beliefs may come from a religion, a book like the Bible or Koran, or from a person. Our faith (and we all have faith in something or nothing) drives behaviors, helps us interpret past experiences, and shows us how we should manage our personalities.
If a person is having trouble in life or in their relationships, it would be good to consider how the patterns of each gear operate in sync with the other gears to form YOU. The better you know this, the better you can choose in the exercise of your WILL. This is the power source that makes the gears turn. You get to decide where these gears will take you. Now, if I can take the metaphor a little further, you may need someone to help you grease the gears to get them moving freely so you can more easily go in the right direction. That why we have counselors and friends who have an understanding of the FOUR GEARS.
